Weight loss is so much more than just losing weight.

This is very personal, but I don’t mind sharing if it helps or inspires someone out there reading this, just as reading blogs, forums, and watching vlogs of those facing similar struggles did before I embarked on my weight loss and mental wellness journey. It’s not pretty, and it’s going to be out there on the internet forever. And that’s okay with me. Because this is reality; the reality that so often isn’t shared in favour of having picture-picture white smiles and exotic locations for likes on social media. Nary a mention of depression and eating disorders is made, because the truth isn’t pretty. But you know what? Life isn’t pretty, but if you fight for health and wellness, you’ll be rewarded with a life that’s happier than you could have possibly imagined prior to dedicating the time and effort to yourself to get well, get healthy, and get back to living!

My mission is to be real. To show you the ups and downs of this all. I’m just a regular person trying my best in this journey called life. And if it helps inspire, then that’s my honour and privilege.

This is what depression versus wellness and health looks like. I felt very alone here in the scruffy pictures and was isolated, and of course piled on more weight during quarantine. I felt kind of like I didn’t belong on this island and took it harder than I should have. I’m someone who has always cared about looking presentable regardless of my size, but I stopped caring. I didn’t even brush my hair most days and hardly went out because I was ashamed of how I looked and how much weight I’d gained. The funny thing is, I was already a month into my weight loss journey when I took those two horrendous pictures. The other one was on my birthday. I still have a ways to go, but I’m miles from where I was. So please, if you’re having issues with depression and/or your weight, know that you’re not alone and there’s help out there. It’s not corny to say that at all. I’m not sharing this for asspats, but rather because seeing my former reality may mirror your present situation. And I want you to know that the nightmare can and WILL end.

December 7, 2021 – (My birthday!) – versus January 21, 2021 – One month into my weight loss journey; 10 months before my VSG. Total weight difference between the two is about 70 lbs.

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Accidentally deleted the video post from November 9, 2021.

A repost of the November 9, 2021, post-op video post where I speak about my VSG WLS weight loss, lifestyle changes, bariatric vitamin routine. And how I’m feeling! Update to follow either today or tomorrow (December 6 or December 7) because a lot has changed in a month!

This is not easy. Getting ready for WLS/Bariatric Surgery/VSG

Well, I can finally say that I’m getting my surgery done THIS MONTH now that it’s October 1.

Today (October 1, 2021) and the last few days since I updated have not been easy. There’s been a lot of gastrointestinal maladies that I won’t go into details about, but I do feel need to be mentioned to just prepare anyone embarking on this three week Optifast journey in preparation for the bariatric surgery. Not everyone has these issues; some deal with constipation, whilst others have no problems but just dislike the taste – some even like the taste!

I have quite a sensitive stomach to the artificial sweeteners, so it’s been a lot more difficult for me. But I feel like today I rounded the corner in the sense that I was awake all day, able to get some things done, and I didn’t have the constant thoughts of food that I was having for the first few days.

I also go a phone call from the pre-admin clinic and I have quite a few appointments coming up next week with the hospital’s pharmacist, anesthetist, as well as getting a requisition to my local hospital for a chest x-ray, as well as more bloodwork and an ECG on Monday morning. I’m not sure when the chest x-ray will occur, but hopefully soon! My surgery date in on the 19th!

Also, I haven’t weighed myself since the start of Optifast due to scale difficulties that have now been rectified, but I have lost six inches of my waist since Monday – insanity! It’s worth noting that I did have a large cheese and pineapple pizza on Sunday night as my “goodbye meal,” so I was probably just very bloated when I took my measurements on Monday. Still, it’s not too shabby!

I know I said I’d have some pictures and video up, but I’ve honestly not felt well enough. I’ve been in my pyjamas and in bed with the occasional walk for the better part of this week. I don’t know why it’s hit me so hard, but hey, everyone’s journey is different.

I feel a bit fed up, I feel upset, defeated at times, and I cry. But I’m keeping my eye on the prize. And fortunately I have a great support group on Zoom of ladies going through the same thing. Thank you to them immensely and to the social worker who facilitates it.

But most of all, thank you for reading and putting up with my whininess!

Sept 28 recap: Liquid diet day 2 out of 21 in preparation for weight loss surgery (WLS / VSG)

I’m not going to lie and say this is easy. In fact, it’s downright miserable. According to others in the bariatric program I belong to, the surgery where you get 85% of your stomach cut out is the easy part: the hardest is the three week liquid diet! Yesterday was the hardest day so far, because I keep forgetting that I can’t eat anything other than the Optifast or a cup of veggie broth. I’ve not strayed, but the temptation is there. I will not waver, however. I still haven’t taken my “before” pictures nor have I weighed myself as unfortunate the scale is presently out of batteries and I didn’t feel well enough to leave the house yesterday to get new ones. Yes, you feel that badly on Optifast for the first few days.

There is definitely a part of me that mourns the loss of food in the way I’ve always used it (yes, used, as well as consumed – I am addicted to food) and will always. I know that once I get my vertical sleeve gastrectomy that I’ll be able to have tiny portions of treat meals a few times a year after about 18 months post-op. But it’s a slippery slope for me, as I’ve lost significant amounts of weight in the past and have treated myself to “cheat” meals that became cheat weeks, and eventually turned into cheat years. Whilst I’m not as overweight as some of the people who get surgery, I wouldn’t have been approved for this surgery if I didn’t need it. I felt out of control with my eating for so long and I tried absolutely everything, and yes, of course sensible eating and lots of exercise. I always tended to shy away from fad diets like the cabbage soup diet or whatever restrictive diet of the day was, and I’d stick with programs like Weight Watchers, which is tried and true and healthy and balanced. I lost so much weight two or three times on WW over the years, but keeping it off longer than a few years was all but impossible for me. I always felt so ashamed when I’d gain the weight back, as though it was some sort of personal failing and an outward manifestation of some sort of character flaw and weakness.

There’s so much more to obesity than that. It’s so much more than people being lazy, gorging on fast food constantly, and drinking pop non-stop. For me, I ate quite healthy, just too much, and I was a grazer. Always looking for something to munch on, and on a 5’2.5 – 5’3 ft frame, that adds up quickly.

So. We’ll see what today brings. I have a group therapy class about changing eating habits and thoughts/emotions about food this morning on Zoom for an hour and a half — this will be the third week now, and it’s 4 weeks long, which means it will end just before my surgery on October 19. I plan to carry on with counselling after my surgery just to insure long term success. After all, this didn’t happen overnight, and it won’t be fixed by a surgery either — I’ll just be given a wonderful tool and what I do with that tool is up to me. And you can bet your ass I’m not going to fail after waiting two years on a weight list, and a further 5 months from orientation to surgery, with a zillion appointments with doctors, dieticians, social workers, phlebotomists, internal medicine doctors, surgeons, bariatric nurses etc etc etc etc.

I’m in this to win it. And I’m in not in competition with anyone but myself, and goddamn it, I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming, and I know that I’ll be shedding weight, but gaining so much more.

Life is about to begin. I’ve been given this opportunity and I will not do anything to screw it up.

Oh, and to those who think this is the easy way out? Kiss my luscious ass. I’d love to see you do this, and then eat tiny portions of mush for a further six months, with protein powder mixed in to absolutely everything you eat, and for the rest of your life only being able to sip water very slowly in small amounts or end up in extreme pain. No straws, no carbonated drinks, keeping track of not just carbs, calories, fat, but making sure you get in enough liquid and at least 90 grams of protein, and timing yourself at every meal so that you take at least 30 minutes with no distractions like your phone, a book, or even much conversation. Just pure mindfulness. Not to mention the pain, the hardship, and the judgment from others. Actually, I don’t care about people judging me — I think it’s worth it to share my story so that it may inspire others who are thinking of having weight loss surgery (don’t do the lapbands though – they are outdated, 90%+ get removed, and they cause health issues, and each removal costs between $3,000 and $14,000, meaning taxpayers are on the hook for up to $33 million).

I’ll have up some pictures and perhaps videos later on today or tomorrow.

Day 1 of Optifast: The storm before the calm?

Prior to bariatric surgery, you are required to go on a liquid diet; the legnth of the diet depends on your surgeon or dietician, but here in British Columbia, the standard is three weeks of a liquid diet called Optifast – four pouches a day mixed with 300 mls of water, plus an additional cup of broth of your choice, and at least 1.5 litres of water.

So far I’m down 3 packages today. And I feel awful. Headache, nausea, and things I won’t mention. I feel quite emotional, but I just keep trying to think of what the end result will be: getting vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG) weight loss surgery.

Trying to stay strong.

The Inauguration Day of the 46th President of the United States Biden and and first woman VP Kamala Harris: the dawning of a new erak

I’m writing this in the wee hours of January 20, 2021 – a date some have been dreading, whilst others — scholars included — have been waiting with baited breath for this very day since the election was caller for Biden and Harris in early November.

The world anxiously awaits, hoping for the celebratory pomp and circumstance that has historically always been a part of the American transition of government. However, it will be different this time, given the Capitol Hill Insurrection, not to mention the president who was impeached a record shattering two times, more than any president in history.

Most countries across the global are hoping for a peaceful transition of power in the most perilous or times. All that is certain is that nothing is certain aside from arguably the worst United States President, who has held office since exactly 4 years today, will be leaving today in the least graceful and mature of ways, being the first president to forego the inauguration of his successor.

Indeed, all is certain in these far from routine days we’ve had since 2019 when COVID shot. Let’s just forget about that little record

Please let this transition of power be peaceful and remain peace.